


The Scars Between Us

by charity_hope



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Alec Lightwood, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Top Magnus Bane, blowjob, clace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-13 06:40:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charity_hope/pseuds/charity_hope
Summary: Gingerly, Alec reached one hand forward to touch the side of Magnus’ face and when he didn’t receive any resistance, he used his other hand to rest on the other man’s waist. He brought his face closer to Magnus, resting their foreheads together. “You once told me. Love doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ll get what we want. But I want this, Magnus. I want you,” he whispered, afraid to break this fragile bubble wrapped around them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is another repost. 
> 
> This story is already completed and will have a total of 5 chapters. I will update every few days in the span of the next week. So, stay tuned!

“Please,” Alec whimpered, voice slightly muffled from the way he had his face buried against the pillow. The weight of Magnus sitting on his thighs felt solid, grounding him, keeping him from floating too far. Magnus’ hands kneaded at the soft flesh of Alec’s ass, spreading and squeezing and all Alec could do was moan at the sensation. He couldn’t move even if he wanted to, not with Magnus’ weight all over him.

 

“Please what?” Magnus leaned in, whispering in a low voice against the younger man’s ear.

 

Alec could feel Magnus’ chest pressing against his back, a solid presence to anchor him to the ever slipping reality. It was all too much. Alec had been desperate for what felt like an eternity with the way Magnus had been teasing him since they started the night. Magnus had taken his time stripping Alec down, spreading him open, sucking and biting bruises onto his skin and touching him all over. Except for where he wanted it the most. Needed it the most.

 

“Touch me.” Alec voice had gone hoarse and almost inaudible with how loud he had been moaning and it seemed to spur Magnus on even more.

 

“I am touching you.” Alec could feel Magnus’ smirk from where he had his lips pressed against the skin at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder and all Alec could do was groan in frustration. Trying and failing to move his hips, to get a tiny bit of friction on his cock that was trapped between his stomach and the mattress. He let out a hiss when a solid smack landed right below his right ass cheek, the sound of Magnus’ palm connecting with his own skin sounded too loud in his ears. “Don’t be greedy.” There was a warning edge to Magnus’ voice and as if a bow with its string cut, Alec’s body visibly lost all the tension and that was the sign Magnus had been waiting for.

 

Alec was loose and pliant and so fucking beautiful spread below him like this. Finally Magnus took pity on him and finally, fucking finally, lifted his weight a bit from Alec and pulled him up by the hips. Alec’s cock was hard and red, leaking at the tip and there was already a wet spot forming on the sheet from where it had been pressed against the fabric in the last hour.

 

When Magnus’ fingers finally curled around Alec’s cock, the noise that came out from the man’s throat was downright filthy. Magnus swore under his breath as he bit at Alec’s skin, just below his ear, breaking the skin a bit. He soothed at the wound with his tongue, lapping at the skin and sucking on it again just to hear the way Alec’ breaths getting erratic.

 

Alec started thrusting his hips, fucking his cock into Magnus’ grip and Magnus let him. The movement caused Magnus’ own dick to slide against Alec’s ass, leaving trails of pre-come every time his wet tip came in contact with Alec’ skin.

 

“I want to fuck you,” Magnus said, his own voice sounded breathless and by now, he didn’t even care. He wanted Alec to know how much he affected Magnus, how much Magnus needed him. That Alec wasn’t alone in wanting this, in being this desperate for it. If anything, Magnus reckoned, he was the one so whipped for Alec, couldn’t keep his mind straight at the time just thinking about the younger man, losing himself in the protective bubble they had created together. It was easy to fall into his role when Alec was so trusting, just taking and taking what Magnus could give and more. Pushing Magnus to his own limit, seeing how much Alec could take and how much Magnus could give back in return.

 

“Come on, come on, come on,” Alec babbled, pushing on impatiently. “Need you. Want your cock. I need you to fuck me, Magnus.”

 

“Patience, Alexander, patience,” Magnus shushed, fishing out a condom from the bedside table together with a bottle of lube and placed the items next to Alec’s thigh. “I’ll take care of you,” he whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on the top of Alec’s spine, smiling against the skin as Alec mewled softly.

 

Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

Alec was woken up rudely by the sound of his own stomach rumbling loudly. His nose twitched as it caught a whiff of bacon and eggs. Unable to ignore his empty tummy any longer, he slowly sat up on the bed stretching out like a cat and smiled satisfactorily at the all familiar aches all over his body, particularly around his lower half.

 

He spent a good few minutes trying to find his underwear in the midst of the piles of clothes strewn onto the floor of Magnus’ bedroom floor in their moment of blurry heat last night. After he spotted his black boxer brief, he pulled it on just to keep some sense of modesty before heading out of the room. Alec followed the delicious smell of food and upon entering the kitchen, he was met with the sight of Magnus standing in front of the stove, flipping a pancake.

 

The older man was a sight to behold, Alec thought, smirking slightly to himself as he leaned against the door frame, watching the man work. Magnus was in his silk, deep maroon robe and it made something hot coil deep inside Alec.

 

Before Magnus, Alec never thought he would enjoy the company of another male as much. He had fantasized, of course. And he had experimented in high school with a couple of people so he wasn’t that inexperienced. However, Magnus caught him off guard. With his warm body, talented fingers and that sinful mouth, Alec couldn’t get enough.

 

Magnus was a perfect distraction.

 

“Good morning, Alexander,” Magnus greeted once he noticed Alec’s presence. He turned off the stove, plating the pancake and set the plate on the table together with the other food he had prepared. “Breakfast is ready. After… last night, I think it’s safe to say you need your energy back.”

 

Shaking his head, Alec lowered his gaze, trying to hide his blushing face as he walked towards the breakfast counter. He took a seat right in front of Magnus and smiled as the older man pushed a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of him.

 

“Thank you. You don’t have to but thanks.” Magnus just shrugged and watched with a smile as he started eating. Magnus sat on the stool right next to Alec and rested his elbow on the counter, cupping his chin in his hand as he kept watching. After a few bites, Alec put down his fork and turned to look at Magnus with one eyebrow raised. “Why do you keep looking at me like that? You not gonna eat your breakfast?” His chin jutted out towards Magnus’ own untouched plate of food.

 

Magnus let out a dramatic sigh, leaned back and stretched, making his robe to ride down slightly, exposing his chest and he didn’t miss the way Alec’s heated eyes staring at the naked skin.

 

“I’ve just been wondering,” he started, running a single finger over Alec’s bare shoulder down to his arm and his elbow then up again. “When we first met, you were so innocent.” Another blush crept its way up Alec’s neck and onto his face, earning a chuckle from Magnus. “Even now, you’re still so shy but who knows…”

 

“Knows what?” Alec’s eyes stared into Magnus’ and fell onto the older man’s lips before moving back up to lock their gaze together. Magnus licked his lower lip slowly, a coy smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

 

“Who knows you have such a filthy mouth in bed. Could’ve fooled me, Alexander.” And that made Alec choke on air. As he coughed it out, Magnus just chuckled lightly and picked up a glass of orange juice, handing it towards the poor man. Alec accepted the glass gratefully, taking a full gulp of the drink and swallowed.

 

“You can’t just _say_ things like that, Magnus.” By now, Alec was as red as a tomato and Magnus was enjoying every second of it.

 

“You never cease to surprise me, Alexander,” Magnus leaned in closer and whispered into Alec’s ear before taking a lobe between his lips and nipping at it lightly.

 

Alec let out a shuddery breath at the ministration, eyes falling shut for a brief second before he turned his face to capture Magnus’ lips with his own. The kiss lasted for a few minutes, both of them taking their own sweet time savoring the feeling of their lips moving together in perfect harmony.

 

Alec hadn’t kissed that many guys or that many people in general but kissing Magnus was exquisite. The older man had a way of making Alec just forget about the ground he was standing on, making him float, taking him away from reality. And that was why Alec kept coming back.

 

Distraction. A perfect distraction.

 

Magnus moved his lips down to Alec’s neck leaving little nips as he went down to right below Alec’s collarbone. Alec’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, tilting his head to the side to give Magnus better access to do whatever he was doing with his mouth right now when his eyes caught the sight of the clock on the wall. Regretfully, he pushed at Magnus’ shoulders to stop the man.

 

“I have class at 1,” Alec said regretfully upon seeing the pout on Magnus’ face. Magnus took a glance at the clock and smirked a little, tracing once finger around one of Alec’s nipples which quickly hardened under the soft touch.

 

“You still have four hours to spare.”

 

“Yeah, and I also made a promise with Jace to meet him in an hour. And I still haven’t showered.”

 

At the mention of Jace’s name, the mood suddenly shifted. Alec didn’t seem to notice though at the way Magnus pulled back a little, only one hand now resting on his shoulder. With a smile and a quick peck on Magnus’ lips, Alec was up and started to make his way out of the kitchen to change back into last night’s close.

 

Magnus let out a sigh, shaking his head as he picked up his fork and pushed at the food inside his place, appetite gone. It took Alec around ten minutes before he’s back in the kitchen, now completely clothed. It was a shame, Magnus thought to himself. He had quite liked seeing Alec with nothing on.

 

“So I see you’re ready,” Magnus commented, trying to make his voice light. He looked at Alec up and down. The younger man shrugged, adjusting his jacket and checked all his pockets to make sure that he didn’t leave his phone, keys and wallet behind.

 

“Yeah. Will have to drop by at the dorm to have a shower first though. Jace can’t see me like this.” His tone was breezy and it was to be expected and Magnus should’ve gotten used to it. But still it didn’t stop him from feeling the hurt every time Alec walked out through that door to go back Jace, wondering if he would ever return to Magnus.

 

The first time Magnus met Alec, the young man was heartbroken. He was in the middle of closing down his business for the day, the street growing empty as the night grew older. As he was about to pull down the shutter to the window of his coffee shop, he spotted a figure of a tall, young man leaning against the light pole right outside his shop. The figure’s shoulders were slumped as he had his arms wrapped around him.

 

Without thinking, Magnus walked out and tentatively reached out to touch the man’s shoulder. The man jumped slightly and Magnus immediately raised up his hand, showing that he meant no harm. “Hey,” Magnus started, peering to look at the man’s face properly.

 

And what he saw took his breath right away. The man was beautiful. There was no other word for it. And for some reason, it seemed like he had been crying. His beautiful hazel eyes were wet and his lashes were clumped together with moisture. “Come inside. I’ll make you a cup of coffee,” he had said even before he could even think about it.

 

That was six months ago, when Magnus collected a heartbroken Alec and tried to fix him with a cup of coffee and a conversation. He wasn’t sure how they went from that chance encounter to the arrangement they had now. Magnus knew that for Alec, he was just a warm body to hold when Alec was too lonely or when Jace brought back his flavor of the night to their shared dorm room.

 

That night six months ago, was the night Alec came out to his best friend, poured out his feelings and got rejected all in one night. Magnus just had been at the right place at the right time.

 

“So I’ll drop by later this weekend?” Alec’s voice brought him back from the little trip to memory lane. Painting a smile on his face, Magnus nodded. Alec returned the smile and waved a little then he was out the door, leaving Magnus once again alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus was sitting on his plush sofa, a book in hand and a cup of hot tea on the accent table within reach. Soft Jazz music was playing in the background as his eyes moved over the pages of the book, taking in every word with rapt attention. Magnus liked partying just like any other person, sometimes even more so than others. But he also quite enjoyed a quiet night like this, alone with his books and his thoughts.

 

His little bubble burst however when someone knocked on the front door. Magnus had half a mind to just ignore whoever that was. But with a roll of his eyes, he finally put the book down and got up when the knocking became more insistent. He sauntered over to the front door, calling out, “alright, alright! Coming!”

 

He however did not expect to see Alec standing in front of him when he threw the door open. The younger man had a backpack with him and smiled gratefully when Magnus opened the door. “Hi,” he breathed out, scratching the back of his head lightly.

 

“Alexander. You didn’t tell me you’re coming over tonight,” Magnus said, stepping aside to let Alec in. Alec stepped into the threshold as Magnus shut the door behind him. Alec never dropped by unannounced. Usually, he would call ahead to inform Magnus and right now, to be completely honest, Magnus felt utterly underdressed. He was in his comfy pajama pants and loose T-shirt and his face was bare from any make up.

 

“I’m sorry for just dropping by like this. Jace brought Clary over and by the look of it, it seems like she’s staying the night,” Alec explained with a shrug. “I have this important test tomorrow and I really need a place to study but they’re just too… distracting. Can I stay here?” Magnus touched Alec’s elbow lightly and directed him towards the living room. “I guess I can go to the library or something. But I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

“Of course, Alexander. Make yourself comfortable. I’ll make you a drink. Coffee or tea?” Magnus offered as Alec let his backpack drop softly by the foot of the coffee table.

 

“Coffee, thanks.”

 

“Coming right up.”

 

Magnus went to the kitchen and started to set up his coffee maker. He didn’t let his mind wander and kept himself busy, taking out some nuts and dried fruits from his cabinet, in case Alec needed something to snack on. He put the snacks in two separate bowls and placed the bowls on a tray. Once the coffee had finished brewing, he pour it into a cup and also placed the cup on the tray which he then carried outside towards the living room.

 

As he reached the living room, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips when he saw that Alec had already made himself comfortable and set up a little study station for himself. Alec was sitting cross-legged in front of the coffee table, his laptop turned on and a couple textbooks lying open in front of him as he wrote something in his notepad. He also had his jacket taken off and neatly splayed over the arm of Magnus’ couch and his shoes arranged by the door. Alec had a look of concentration on his face, brows furrowed and lips pursed.

 

Magnus precariously balanced the tray in his hands and carefully placed it on the table on the space not occupied by Alec’s books before taking a seat on the sofa, right behind Alec and picked up his book from before. He leaned against the arm of the sofa and opened his book to the place he last read. Alec turned his head to look at Magnus and threw a small smile towards the man.

 

“Thank you,” he said, putting down his pen for a minute, taking Magnus’ hand and placed a kiss before dropping it and continued with his work. Magnus couldn’t help the way his heart beat just a tiny bit faster and tried to mask it by clearing his throat and squaring his shoulders.

 

“Anytime, Alec. I’ll keep you company.”

  
And with that, the two men sat silently together. Somehow, over the time, Magnus’ hand absentmindedly moved forward and buried his fingers along Alec’s hair as he did his reading and Alec didn’t mind that. It felt quite nice, actually. The atmosphere was silent except for the soft Jazz music, and occasional rustling of papers whenever Magnus turned the pages he was reading or Alec had to go back to his notes.

 

Magnus didn’t realize when he had fallen asleep as the next thing he knew, Alec was shaking him awake. His half-read book was splayed open face down on his chest and there was a crick on his neck from the awkward position he had fallen asleep in. “Hey,” Alec whispered, leaning on close, eye to eye level. “Maybe you should go to bed. It can’t be comfortable sleeping here.”

 

“What time is it?” Magnus cleared his throat at the croakiness of his voice. He took his book and put it aside as he began to sit up.

 

“A little past one, actually,” Alec answered, moving back and giving space for Magnus to sit up. The older man rubbed at the back of his neck and yawned, closing his mouth with the back of his hand.

 

“It’s getting late. You’re not going to bed?” Magnus’s eyes roamed over the table that was significantly messier than he remembered with scattered papers and colored pens. The coffee cup was now empty and the bowls of nuts and dried fruits were also almost empty. Alec shrugged, taking one look at his books and notes.

 

“I have a little bit more to revise so I’ll be staying up,” he said.

 

“Nonsense. You need your sleep, Alexander or no matter how hard you study, you won’t be able to answer your test since you’re too exhausted,” Magnus chastised, reaching over to close one of the books on the table. “Come on,” he continued, standing up and holding out his hand for Alec to take. Alec raised an eyebrow but Magnus just opened and closed his palm a few times.

 

With a shake of his head, Alec accepted Magnus’ hand and stood up, allowing Magnus to pull him towards the direction of the bedroom.

 

Both men brushed their teeth side by side by the sink in Magnus’ en suite bathroom. Alec watched him through their reflection in the mirror, smiling stupidly with a toothbrush in his mouth. It felt oddly domestic, to be getting ready for bed together like this, Magnus thought with a pang in his chest. He didn’t want to let his mind to think further and his heart to start blooming with hope. So quickly, he rinsed his mouth and washed his face without returning Alec’s look through the mirror.

 

Magnus was already snuggling under the covers when Alec came out of the bathroom, already stripped down to only his boxers. He shrugged at the look Magnus gave him. “Sorry. I didn’t think to bring any spare clothes to sleep in.” Magnus smirked with his eyebrows raised teasingly.

 

“Oh, Alexander. I’ve had you sleeping in my bed wearing less than that. Come on,” Magnus beckoned the blushing Alec over. With a tiny chuckle, Alec got onto the bed and below the covers, opening his arms as Magnus scooted back so that his back was touching Alec’s bare chest. “Goodnight, Alexander,” Magnus murmured, closing his eyes as Alec’s arms wrapped around him as they were spooning.

 

“Goodnight, Magnus,” Alec replied with a quick, innocent kiss at the side of Magnus head and let out a sigh.

 

Magnus didn’t let his mind wander too far about how this was the first time ever Alexander Lightwood spent the night on his bed and they weren’t even having sex.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Magnus woke up to an empty space next to him. He cleared his throat and squinted at the sunlight peeking through his curtain. Rubbing the sleep off his eyes, Magnus pushed the cover aside and got up. He then went to the bathroom to pee and wash his face before making his way out of the room.

 

He shook his head and smiled endearingly as soon as he reached the living room and saw Alec with his head resting on top of a pile of papers ridden with notes and snoring slightly. He went over towards the younger man, kneeling next to Alec and put a hand on his shoulder, shaking lightly.

 

“Alec,” he called out softly, not wanting the man to wake up startled. He squeezed Alec’s shoulder and whispered again in his ear, “hey Alexander. Wake up.” Alec stirred lightly and after a moment, his eyelids moved and fluttered open.

 

“Hmm?” Alec croaked out, eyes blinking a few times as he looked at Magnus and a dopey smile fell onto his face. Magnus shook his head and brushed the fringe out of Alec’s forehead and his fingers lingered to touch the skin on the side of his face. “Morning.”

 

“Morning. What are you doing sleeping out here?”

 

Alec stretched languidly and scratched at his chest, not missing the heated sweep of Magnus’ eyes over his naked torso. He smirked and rested a hand on Magnus’ thigh. “I woke up a few hours after we fell asleep. So I continued to read over some of my notes and memorize some of these formulae,” Alec said as a way of explaining, hands gesturing towards the scattered notes.

 

“You’re hopeless,” Magnus commented, trailing his hand down from Alec’s face to rest to the back of his neck. Both of them moved closer, as if being pulled by a magnetic force until their faces were just inches apart. “Always so hardworking.”

 

“Well, the scholarship isn’t going to keep itself, so I have to work hard.”

 

The way Alec said it so matter-of-fact made Magnus just wanted to wrap his arms around the man and just somehow protect him or something. Over the months of knowing Alec, Magnus had grown to know that Alec was a hardworking man and so, so endearingly responsible. Magnus had no other word for it. But for him, that was what made Alec even more precious and special somehow. And it was not only about his academic. The way Alec would talk about his family, especially his sister Isabelle and his younger brother, Max, Magnus could tell just how protective Alec was. Sometimes he worried. Worried that Alec would wrung himself thin, caring about other people and disregarding himself in the process.

 

Even when it came to Jace. So many nights after their fateful meeting, Alec would come back to Magnus and no matter how hurt he was, how much pain was inflicted, he would not even think twice to go back to Jace when the other man called in the middle of the night, drunk out of his mind and needing Alec’s help to go back to their dorm room. At times, it made Magnus angry, how Alec thought too much about other people and what was expected of him that he didn’t even stop to think of what he wanted. But in a way, Magnus knew, what they had was one of the subtle ways of Alec to show a little bit of his rebellious streak. So Magnus was more than happy to just be there, be whatever Alec needed him to be.

 

“Your test is in a couple of hours. Go freshen up, take a shower and I’ll whip up a quick breakfast,” Magnus finally said, pulling away from Alec so he wouldn’t say embarrassing things if he had to look into those deep, hooded eyes any longer. Alec took a deep breath, stretched a bit more and stood up silently. Magnus watched for a moment as Alec walked into the bedroom before he himself turned away and made his way towards the kitchen.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

“Thank you, for letting me stay last night,” Alec said as he helped Magnus to clean up the plates and utensils they’d used for breakfast. Magnus shrugged, taking the rinsed off plate from Alec and wiped it dry with kitchen towel and placed it on the rack.

 

“Anything for you, Alexander.” Alec’s smile was a reward in itself so Magnus just couldn’t stop his heart rabbiting hard in his chest. “Anyway, my friend is having a party this Friday,” he started after a few minutes of silence, Alec washing the dishes and Magnus wiping them dry. Alec hummed to acknowledge that he was listening. “So I was thinking. Do you want to come with me? I want you to meet my friends.”

 

Alec stopped midway. An unwashed plate in one hand hung in the air while his other hand was squeezing the suds-filled sponge. That moment, the atmosphere in the room changed. Alec carefully put the plate into the sink and released the sponge before rinsing off his hands.

 

“Magnus…” he started, turning his body so he was facing Magnus. “I… don’t think that’s a good idea.”

 

“Oh… I…” Magnus looked away so Alec wouldn’t see how he was having a hard time keeping his face neutral. “Look at that, you have to go back to the campus now or you’ll be late for your test,” he said, pointing towards the clock on the wall. Alec was in no way late and he still had ample of time to spare but Magnus just couldn’t breathe. He felt like the world was closing in on him and he was suffocated, having Alec so close but so far out of reach.

 

“Magnus… I…”

Magnus wiped his hand and hung the paper towel on the rail above the sink. He turned around and started to make his way out of the kitchen. As he reached the doorway, he stopped but didn’t turn around.

 

“I have to get ready to go to the shop. You can find your way out?” His voice is levelled, monotonous so it wouldn’t betray the turmoil he was feeling inside.

 

“Magnus…”

 

But Magnus didn’t wait, just walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

“Alec, get dressed and come with us,” Jace said as soon as he entered their shared room, pulling the blanket off Alec. Alec just grunted, snatching the blanket back roughly and turned to his side, curling his body into foetal position and hid under the fabric, only the tuft of his hair was visible. Jace rolled his eyes before sitting by the foot of the bed, poking at Alec’s back with his index finger. “Get up. Clary is taking us to a party.”  
  
“I don’t wanna go,” Alec said, voice muffled from under the covers. He fished his phone from under his pillow and bringing it close to his face, he unlocked the device. The sudden light from the phone blinded him for a bit as he fumbled to adjust the brightness to a comfortable level. He checked his messages and the list of incoming calls and let out a miserable sigh.

 

No Magnus.

 

Why didn’t the man text him back or return any of his calls?

 

Alec let out another sigh, this time it sounded more pitiful even in his own ears. He heard the sound of the door opening and the weight shifted on his bed, probably Jace had just got up. Then, he heard Clary’s voice and the door closing. Locking his phone, he pressed the device to his chest, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. There was silence for a few moments, then he felt the bed dipped behind him and someone pulling the blanket down. It was Clary.

 

“Jace said you don’t wanna go to the party?” she asked.

 

“Yeah, Jace said right,” Alec replied, shrugging but still made no move to get out from the cocoon of blanket he had built for himself. He had felt quite comfortable there, his bed was warm, a complete contrast to the cold turmoil inside his heart. The emptiness he felt was like a black hole trying to pull him in.

 

“You’ve been mopping around like a miserable puppy for days, Alec. What’s wrong?” Jace sounded half worried, half exasperated and it was understandable.

 

Alec had always been calm and collected. He was good at controlling his emotions, making sure that those emotions wouldn’t be in the way or affect how he went by with his life. So it was justifiable for Jace to be worried when Alec was acting this way. Alec wanted to tell Jace what was wrong, trying to explain the tightness in his chest. But how could he explain that when he couldn’t even understand what he was feeling?

 

He was not used to telling others that he was hurting, the words were stuck in his throat and his eyes felt hot. But he couldn’t admit it. He rubbed roughly at his chest and grimaced, slowly sitting up and turned to look at Clary who was giving him a small smile.

 

“You alright?” she asked, eyebrows raised in worry, one small hand touching his shoulder.

 

Alec just nodded, sighing and subtly shook her hand off with a shrug. “Will you guys stop asking me if I’m okay or not if I go to that damned party?” Clary and Jace exchanged looks and after a beat, Jace raised his shoulders.

 

“Well, we can always call Izzy,” Jace replied with a shrug. It wasn’t that he liked forcing Alec to do what he wanted. He just hated seeing Alec all cooped up and looking so miserable and he didn’t even know why! Alec was almost always emotionless, that wasn’t new to him but this Alec, this miserable, pathetic looking man wearing the same clothes since two days ago wasn’t the Alec he knew.

 

“Fine,” Alec grumbled grudgingly, knowing that if Isabelle knew about he had been behaving, he would never hear the end of it. He hated making people worry about him, especially his little sister. So with that thought, Alec finally get off from the bed and went to his dresser to take some clean clothes to change into.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

The party was just a couple of blocks away, according to Clary so they decided to just walk there. Alec took the time to really breathe in the night air, trying to clear his mind. He was walking slowly behind the couple, Clary and Jace walking close together, hands holding tight as they chatted and laughed. Alec just watched them, feeling something sharp and cold in his heart. He brought a hand up to his chest and rubbed at it, a frown deep on his face as he willed for the feelings to go away.

 

Alec was lost in his thoughts, his body moving on autopilot and the next thing he knew, they were standing in front of the stairways to an apartment building. Clary pressed on the intercom to the unit where the party was held and said something into the speaker. After a moment, they were buzzed in and Alec followed Jace and Clary inside. They took the elevator to the fifth floor then using the stairs, they went to the rooftop.

 

The party was already packed as they arrived and without saying anything to his friends, Alec made a beeline towards the drinks table not too far from the entrance. He took a plastic cup and filled it with the punch and took a drink, wincing slightly at the bitter taste of the alcohol. He kept on drinking and filling his cup when it got empty, not realizing how many he’d had until Jace came over, an arm draped casually over Clary’s shoulder.

 

The blonde raised an eyebrow at Alec’s slouched figure and the cup in his hand. Surely he didn’t miss the obvious flush from Alec’s neck to his face, his cheeks tinted pink from alcohol and he was swaying a bit on his feet. He mixed a drink for himself and Clary.

 

“You’re starting early,” Jace commented, gesturing towards the cup in Alec’s hand and taking a sip of his own drink. Alec just let out a guttural grunt and finished his drink, quickly making the move for another when Jace stopped him. “Seriously, man. What’s up with you? You don’t usually drink this much.”

 

“Kiss me,” Alec said instead, just watching with a blank stare as both Jace and Clary looked at him as if he had grown two heads. “Kiss me, Jace.” He took a step forward towards his best friend but Jace stopped him with a hand on his chest. Jace and Clary exchanged another looks with each other and Alec hated that. Hated that both of them seemed to have this secret language that only they understood with their eyes.

 

“What?”

 

“Just kiss me… I need… fuck!” Alec let out, exasperate, no longer able to contain the stabbing pain in his chest. “I just need to know. Please kiss me, Jace.” He looked at Jace and then at Clary. “I don’t… I’m not… I’m not… I just need to know.” Another looks were exchanged between the couple as Alec’s shoulders slumped.

 

He just felt lost.

 

“Okay,” Jace finally said, giving one last look at the red head next to him before turning his sight to Alec. “Okay, I’ll kiss you. But you better have a good explanation for this.”

 

Alec didn’t know what he expected when he made that request. He wasn’t even sure why he asked that in the first place. He knew very well that Jace didn’t feel the same way he did, made it clear how Jace only saw him as a best friend, a brother almost. But Alec just needed clarity. So slowly, he took a step closer towards the blonde. He could see the uncertainty in Jace’s eyes so he tried to smile but it didn’t feel right.

 

He brought up both his hands and cupped Jace’s face, bringing his own face closer until they were mere millimetres apart. Jace gave a minute bob of his head, a single last permission before Alec surged forward and latched his lips with Jace’s.

 

Jace’s lips felt nice against his, Alec noted at first. They were slightly dry, unlike Magnus’ who religiously moisture his lips with chapstick. Kissing Jace was good but…

 

Alec pulled off after a few moments as realization hit him. A wide smile spread across his lips, the first real smile since the past few days.

 

Alec had been in love with Jace for as long as he could remember. They grew up together and did everything together. When Alec first came out to him, Jace accepted him just like that. No questions, no judgement. Even when he was rejecting Alec, Jace was nice, gentle though it ripped him into pieces. At that time, Alec felt as if the ground was swallowing him whole and he didn’t want to emerge.

 

And then he met Magnus.

 

Magnus who made him a cup of coffee in his empty shop. Magnus who had listened to him babbling about Jace. Magnus who had kept him company the whole night, just letting him talk. Alec couldn’t remember the last time he had let people so easily into the deepest part of his thoughts, not even Isabelle got to see that side of him. But that man, with his kind eyes and soft voice, had managed to create a hole into the walls Alec had carefully built around him.

 

He remembered the first time he and Magnus kissed. It was a week after their first fateful meeting, Alec dropping by just as Magnus hung the ‘Closed’ sign on his shop window. The man opened the door though when he saw Alec. At that time, Alec wasn’t sure why he came back or what he had expected but he just knew that he had liked the company Magnus had offered him previously. He couldn’t remember who had initiated the kiss, who leaned in first. But it was heady from the get go.

 

The moment Magnus’ lips touched his, Alec’s whole body felt like he had been electrified. His nerve-endings were tingling from the tip of his hair to the tip of his toes.

 

He was still holding Jace’s face in his hands, the younger man giving him a weird look. “You okay, man?” he asked, tilting his head to the side, giving Alec and puzzling look. Alec was at a loss of words, could find what to say, his mind suddenly cleared up and everything he was feeling in the past few days suddenly made sense.

 

Was he okay? Probably not.

 

Not yet, anyway.

 

“I love you, man. I love you so much!” Alec said, his heart bubbling with happiness, completely ignoring the bewildered looks both Jace and Clary threw at him. “You’re the best.”

 

Alec didn’t know how to express the sudden lightness he felt as everything started to fall into pieces. Kissing Jace, while nice, it didn’t give him the same tingling aftereffect he often had every time Magnus had kissed him. The kiss while good, it didn’t make Alec want to rip his heart open and bare for all to see. Alec couldn’t feel the electricity, the sparks of fireworks the way he felt whenever he kissed Magnus. He couldn’t remember since how long he had dreamed of kissing that man but now that he had a taste, it just wasn’t what he wanted anymore.

 

As he mulled that fact over and over in his head, that was when his eyes landed on the sight of a man standing behind Jace, just a few feet away.

 

MAGNUS!

 

Time seemed to stop for a moment as their eyes met. Alec was frozen in place, mind completely blank. Magnus bit his bottom lip, shaking his head lightly as a small, sad smile quirked at the corners of his mouth before he turned and began to walk away. Alec was still unable to move as Magnus’ body got swallowed among the crowds. After a while, his brain finally kicked in, cursing under his breath, Alec released his hold on Jace and began to chase after Magnus.


	4. Chapter 4

_“You must think I’m an idiot,” Alec said with a humorless chuckle, eyes fixed on the content of the cup in front of him. He ran his finger around the rim of the cup and inhaled deeply, the aroma of coffee filling his nostrils._

_He replayed the event that had unfolded just less than a couple of hours ago. He was nervous, back damp with sweat and his hands shaking as he stood in front of Jace. He had told the man that he was not straight, that he had known for a while now, just too scared to tell anyone. Scared that they would hate him or judge him. Jace had just laughed lightly, patting Alec’s back comfortingly. “It’s okay, Alec.”_

_And seeing the blatant acceptance and the openness in the way Jace was looking at him, Alec just blurted everything out. Everything he had kept secret for so long, he just let it out. He told Jace how he had been in love with his best friend for years. How he wished that Jace wasn’t straight. How he hated to see Jace bringing women over because Alec wished that he were them, that he was the one who got to touch Jace that way._

_Alec had to give it to the blonde because he didn’t even flinch or shy away from Alec after that. Just gave him a pitiful smile and a small “oh.” Alec didn’t need anything else after that, he knew perfectly clear where they stood. He didn’t let Jace say anything else after that, too embarrassed to face him so Alec grabbed his jacket and walked out._

_And now here he was, in an empty coffee shop with the owner sitting right in front of him, listening in with rapt attention as he poured out his feelings._

_“No, I don’t,” the man said, smiling kindly. “I don’t think you’re an idiot. You’re in love. But love doesn’t always mean always getting what you want.” Alec looked up, staring at the man in the eyes. “Who’s to say that love is conditional? That when you love someone, they have to reciprocate? Isn’t just being in love good enough? That’s the basic of being human, I think.”_

_Alec quite disagreed. That way of thinking seemed like a cope out, an excuse not to fight for what your heart really wanted. But then again, Alec wasn’t one to talk. He had been afraid to follow his heart in more than one occasions, backlash from the society and his family’s acceptance was too important for him to jeopardize. So he kept from saying what was in his mind, picking up the cup of coffee and took a sip of the now lukewarm beverage._

_“I’ve been here talking your ear off but I still don’t know your name,” Alec said, putting the cup down and licked off the coffee stain on his lips. The man shook his head, smile getting bigger._

_“Magnus. Magnus Bane,” he replied, holding out his hand._

_“Alec… Lightwood,” Alec said, accepting the friendly gesture._

_“Short for Alexander?” Magnus asked. Alec nodded, pulling his hand away a beat too slow. “I like that.”_

_For the first time that night, Alec’s lips curled up into a genuine smile._

 

*~*~*~*~*~

Alec entered the coffee shop, hoping that he would see Magnus there. The man hadn’t been answering his calls or his texts and it had been driving him insane! As he walked through the door, the bell above the door chimed to signal the waiters of the new customer entering, he immediately spotted Maia, one of the waitresses that worked there, cleaning a table.

 

She saw him entering the shop and one look at her face, Alec could already guess that Magnus wasn’t there. She quickly piled up the empty cups and plates into a tray and carried those to the dirty dishes basin at the back. Alec went in further and took a seat at an empty table by the window, the same table he sat with Magnus on that first night.

 

He looked around the half-empty shop. A few of the tables were occupied. There were a businessman in a full-suit drinking his coffee while checking on his phone, his briefcase rested against his shin under his chair. At another table, right next to Alec’s there were a couple who were leaning in so close with each other, heads touching, hands holding tight as they talked in hushed whispers. The woman was smiling and the man smiled back and Alec just yearned.

 

“Ehem…,” someone cleared their throat and Alec was pulled out of his thoughts, his lips stretched tightly into a tight line to see Maia, a pot of coffee in her hand. She poured him a cup. “Magnus isn’t here, if you’re looking for him,” she said, voice flat.

 

“Do you know where I can find him? He wouldn’t answer any of my calls or texts.”

 

He earned an eye roll from the girl.

 

“What do you want from him?” she asked, her voice wasn’t unkind but it wasn’t as warm as he was used to anyway. He looked down, fingers twisting on the table. Maia’s face softened a little bit. “He doesn’t want to see you. Finish up your coffee and leave. Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste _his,_ ” With that, she left to cater to other customers asking for refills.

 

Alec felt like shit, for lack of better term. He picked up the cup and drank the whole thing in one gulp, not caring about the burning of the hot liquid down his throat, scalding his tongue. Fishing out a couple of bills from his pocket, he put them on the table and walked out, the cool wind hitting his face once he was outside.

 

Pushing his hands in the pocket of his jeans, Alec began to walk away.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

_Alec couldn’t remember exactly how he got there. They were at the coffee shop talking, as usual when Magnus suddenly invited him over and Alec had said yes. Magnus closed up the shop that had been empty for a while as Alec waited on him outside. Once they got to Magnus’ place, the older man offered him a drink and while not really being a big drinker, Alec just accepted it. Sitting on the couch side by side, they drank together and continued their chatting session._

_So he wasn’t sure how they got from talking to right now, kissing each other desperately, as if neither could survive without it. This wasn’t the first time they kissed. There was that quick peck Magnus gave him a couple of weeks ago before Alec left the shop that had made Alec’s heart beat like a drum inside his chest cavity. But this kiss, this kiss was different. Heated and rushed, as if they were breathing each other’s air._

_It was Magnus who pulled away first, one hand rested on the back Alec’s neck, the other lightly pressed against his chest. Alec chased for his lips again, trying to continue with the kiss but Magnus just pulled away with a breathless chuckle._

_“Wait,” he said, putting a bit more force on Alec’s chest to put a little bit of distance between them. “You’re drunk.”_

_“Not **that** drunk,” Alec replied, going for more kiss but still received resistance from the older man. He let out a whine that he would definitely deny ever letting out later but right now, he just couldn’t think for a single reason why Magnus didn’t want to kiss him back except… “oh… did… do you not want to? I’m sorry.” Alec quickly untangled himself from Magnus, not realizing that he was almost in the other man’s lap and blushed. _

_Magnus grabbed at Alec’s arm, stopping him from leaving further._

_“It’s not like that,” he said softly. “I just don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”_

_“You’re not. I want this.” Alec wasn’t even aware what he wanted until he said that out loud. So he said it again, “I want this, Magnus.”_

_Magnus cursed under his breath, closing his eyes and breathed in and out deeply. Alec waited for one second, two, three… then Magnus opened his eyes. “Fuck it, okay. Yeah, okay.” And then he surged forward, once again claiming Alec’s lips with his._

_The kiss this time was more desperate and biting. Magnus sucked on Alec’s bottom lip, making the younger man groan against the kiss, bringing his hand up to bury his fingers into Magnus’ hair. Magnus manoeuvred them so Alec was reclining on the couch with Magnus on top between Alec’s slightly spread legs. Alec pushed at Magnus’ jacket, silently asking the man to take it off and Magnus obliged, not even once breaking the kiss._

_“Your shirt,” Magnus murmured against Alec’s lips, pushing at the offending fabric up until Alec’s armpits. Alec wouldn’t let up, sucking at Magnus’ tongue and nipping at his lower lip. A groan left his lips when Magnus’ hips ground down, making their clothed crotched to meet. Sharp sensation ran down his sides as Magnus ran his blunt fingernails along Alec’s skin, finally able to pull away from the kiss with a vile sucking sound and moved his lips to Alec’s neck._

_Everything else was a blur after that. Alec wasn’t sure when both he and Magnus had lost their shirts, his mind coming back to reality when Magnus pushed his hand into Alec’s half undone jeans and for the first time, cupped his cock, skin on skin, their sweaty chests slid against each other. Alec let out a hiss, bucking up into Magnus’ fist, craving the friction._

_Alec had had a few secret make out sessions with one or two boys from school. But his sexual experience up until now was limited to dry humping and mutual masturbation in the locker room. Having someone else touching his cock with no layers of clothing to tamper on the heat of skin against skin was mind-blowing. Magnus’ lips moved up from his neck to his ear, nipping lightly at the lobe with his teeth._

_“Have you done anything with anyone before?” Magnus asked, voice breathy and so turned on. Alec found it exhilarating to know that he was able to make Magnus sound like that. He was the reason Magnus was so red in the face, pupils blown so wide that his eyes seemed almost black. He licked his lips, tilted his head back and moaned low in his throat when Magnus scrapped his teeth against his Adam’s apple._

_“Uh… some… I’d done a bit… fuck,” he cursed, a shudder ran through his body when Magnus tightened the grip on this cock and bit on the skin right above his collarbone._

_“Have someone sucked you off before?”_

_At that, Alec’s brain completely short circuited as he shook his head, watching with chest heaving as Magnus unlatched his lips from Alec’s neck that was now covered in hickeys. Magnus’ mouth curled up into a coy smile as he slid down, taking his hand out of Alec’s pants, which earned a needy whimper from the younger man at the loss of contact. Magnus wasted no time in undoing Alec’s pants completely and pulled it down and Alec helped to kick it off all the way._

_A loud, guttural moan ripped out from Alec’s mouth when Magnus took him in. The wet cavern of Magnus’ mouth felt so good, so warm and just so, so amazing Alec could cry. He wasn’t sure if he was going to last long, not with the way Magnus’ tongue swirled around the head and one of his hands fondling at Alec’s balls while the other hand gripping tightly at Alec’s thigh._

_“Magnus…” he breathed out, hips rolling minutely as Magnus took him in deeper._

 

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Alec was now standing in front of Magnus’ apartment. He was lucky that as he arrived at the apartment block, someone else was coming out of the building so he was able to slip in. He raised his hand and knocked on the door a few times but no one answered. There was silence from the other side of the door so he knocked again, and again.

 

He had been knocking for a good five minutes when suddenly the door to a unit right in front of Magnus’ opened, revealing a middle-aged woman. She gave Alec a dirty look, as if angry at him for something. “He’s not home. So stop making a ruckus,” she said unkindly and slammed the door close behind her, leaving Alec once again alone in the corridor.

 

He leaned against the door and let the gravity to pull him down until he was sitting, back against the door, knees bent against his chest. Alec pulled out his phone from inside the pocket of his jeans.

 

**Magnus. Please. I need to talk to you.**

 

He pressed send and placed the phone on the floor next to him, resting his head on top of his knees. Onslaught of memories of him and Magnus bombarded his mind, playing in his head like a movie as he closed his eyes, letting out a silent sob as a drop of tear rolled down his cheeks.

 

He just wanted Magnus back.

 

Alec had been sitting there, curled up in a ball against Magnus’ front door for about half an hour when he heard footsteps approaching. Lifting up his head, he saw a pair of feet in front of him so his eyes travelled downwards, his heart lifting.

 

“Oh Magnus!” he exclaimed, standing so fast that it gave him a whiplash which he ignored and threw his arms around the shorter man. “Magnus, I’ve missed you.”

 

Seeing Magnus again made Alec felt like he could breathe again. Everything seemed bright again, Magnus bringing back light into his life. Being able to hold the man in his arms again, smelling that expensive cologne on his skin, it made Alec felt complete. For a moment, Alec didn’t realize how Magnus didn’t hold him back, didn’t return the hug.

 

“What are you doing here, Alec,” Magnus said after a while, disentangling himself from Alec and took a step back, away from the taller man. Alec frowned, heart dropping as fast as it soared just now. “You have to leave.” Magnus’ voice was void of any emotions, flat and empty. Not at all what Alec was used to, warm and sweet.

 

“I’m not leaving, Magnus. I need to talk to you,” Alec said, determined not to let Magnus walk away again this time. Magnus rolled his eyes. Feeling desperate and at loss of what to do, Alec surged forward, grabbing the front of Magnus’ shirt with his fists and pressed his lips hard against Magnus’. The kiss didn’t last that long, was stopped by Magnus as soon as it started as he pushed at Alec, eyes narrowing.

 

“What are you doing?” He sounded so cold now and Alec hated it. Hated at the way how Magnus looked openly broken and he knew somehow he was the reason Magnus looked that way. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to make himself appear smaller even though it was physically impossible. “Why don’t you just go back and kiss Jace. Since you seemed to enjoy yourself so much the other night.” After saying that, Magnus walked past Alec and opened the door to his apartment.

 

The door closed right in front of Alec’s face and right now, Alec was utterly and completely at loss on what he should do to win Magnus back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the last chapter, guys!
> 
> Thank you very much for you support so far. I love you!
> 
> xxLina


	5. Chapter 5

“So you’re saying that you’ve been having a thing with this guy for months and you never think to tell me about it?” Isabelle asked in disbelief, gesturing towards the bartender to refill her drink while Alec’s was still mostly untouched.  

 

Alec had called Isabelle for a drink as soon as he left Magnus’ building. They decided to meet at a poetry bar near his campus, knowing that the place wouldn’t be too packed. He rolled his eyes towards his sister, of course she would make this all about her.

 

“I don’t have to tell you everything,” he mumbled, tracing the rim of his glass with his finger. His eyes were fixed on the wooden bar top, mind too much in a jumble for a cleverer response. Isabelle huffed, turning around and leaned her back against the counter, eyes scanning around, watching as a man went up to the stage at the end of the room, setting up the microphone for that night’s poetry reading.

 

“So why did you call me out tonight?” she asked, tilting her head to the side and gave him a look. A sigh escaped her dark painted lips when she noticed the obvious drop on her older brother’s shoulders and how his lips had been etched into a semi-permanent scowl. Alec didn’t smile that much in his usual state of being, that much she knew. But right now, this Alec made the usual Alec looked like he was made of sunshine and rainbow. This Alec just exuded negative energy and gloomy aura surrounding him, if she believed in that kind of stuff.

 

“I just…” he started but stopped, picking up his glass and took a huge gulp, grimacing at the sharp, bitter taste of the alcohol. He placed the glass down a little too forcefully, sloshing the content onto the already sticky table. “I don’t know what to do.” His voice was slow, as if it pained him to admit that.

 

Isabelle let out another sigh, punching lightly at Alec’s upper arm for good measure. For goodness sake, Alec was the smartest in the family, always the most sensible and the most reasonable but at times he really drove her crazy with how clueless and dumb he could be.

 

“You’re an idiot,” she said, shaking her head and flipped her hair to the side. “Alec, did you remember when we were in high school, I was dating Victor and he broke my heart?” Alec just shrugged, not sure where she was going with that story. Of course he remembered that guy. He had been a bad influence on her, getting her to smoke and teaching her to drink. “When he left me and I wanted to go after him, you were there. Even though I wouldn’t talk to you for _months_ and I repeatedly told you that I hated you. You were there for me until I could see sense again.”

 

“I love you. I’d never let you destroy yourself for that jerkface,” he responded, a surge of protective instinct washed over him as his memories came back to him. Her face softened, one hand squeezing at his shoulder tenderly.

 

“You’ve always done that. You’d fight with all that you have to keep us happy. Me, Jace, Max, mom and dad. So why can’t you do that this time? Fight for your happiness?”

 

“He doesn’t want to see me.”

 

“You slept on the floor next to my bed to make sure I didn’t run away in the middle of the night. I’m sure you’ll find a way to persuade him to talk to you. Just get him to talk and if he doesn’t feel the same way, there’s nothing you can do about it. But the least you can do now is just… try again.”

 

Alec didn’t say anything to reply to that, just continued to finish his drink and stared emptily ahead.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Alec took in a deep breath, filling his chest with air and let it out again slowly as he brought his fist up and rapt at the door. He waited for a minute, nobody answered him so he knocked again. And again. And again. And again, relentless. “Magnus, I know you’re inside. I saw your bedroom light turned on from outside the building. Please open the door. We need to talk,” he called as he never let up hitting at the door with his knuckles.

 

“Hey! Why so noisy?” Magnus’ neighbor from earlier suddenly came out from her apartment, both hands rested on her hips as she looked at Alec with narrowed eyes. “Do you realize what time is it?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Alec said. “But I just have to…”

 

She didn’t let Alec finished as he pushed the man aside and strutted towards the door, limping with her walking stick. Alec was only able to watch in surprise when she started pounding on the door, harder and louder than he had been doing in the past ten minutes. “Magnus Bane. You open this damn door right now!” she yelled. Alec looked around, face red and unsure of how to react when one by one, Magnus’ other neighbors started to peek their heads through their own door.

 

It didn’t take long before the door swung open, revealing Magnus who had an alarmed expression pasted on his face. He looked at Alec first, then at the woman. “Mrs. Alfred, what…?”

 

“You listen to me now, Magnus Bane. This young man had been disrupting my sleep. I’m too old to be involved in you young people’s relationship problems. So I suggest you let him inside and let the rest of us sleep,” she ranted, waving around her walking stick that Alec was scared that she would poke his eyeball out or something. Looking slightly scared, Magnus beckoned for Alec to come in as the woman put down his walking stick and huffed out in indignation before she turned around to return back to her own apartment. The rest of the neighbors also returned to their own units, murmuring among themselves as Magnus pulled Alec inside and shut the door behind them.

 

As Alec finally got inside, he just stood in front of the door, Magnus watching his expectantly with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

 

“What do you want?” Magnus asked with a sigh, resting a fist under his chin. Alec tentatively took a step forward but stopped when Magnus took a step back.

 

“You saw me kiss Jace,” he stated which received a humorless laugh from the older man. “And you heard me say I loved him.”

 

“What do you want?” Magnus asked again, turning away so that their eyes wouldn’t meet.

 

“I’m sorry.” Alec linked his fingers together behind his back, a default position he adopted whenever he was feeling vulnerable or like he was being scrutinized. “I… I loved Jace, that’s true. You knew that. Then you wanted me to meet your friends but it wasn’t a good idea. I didn’t want you to be embarrassed by me and there was Jace. I thought I loved him. I mean I still do. But not in that way anymore. So I kissed him.”

 

“You’re not making any sense, Alexander.”

 

Alec bit on his lower lip, took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling for a few seconds. He never knew how to do this, how to bare his heart open. But he somehow knew to fix this thing between them, he had to. He just had to lower down whatever inhibitions he had and let Magnus see him for what he was.

 

“I’d always been afraid to fight for what I want. I’m afraid to get used to the feeling of being happy because if I lost that, I won’t be able to cope. It scares me to allow people to enter my life. I guess that’s why I chose Jace. He was an easy choice. He’s straight and he’s my best friend. I’d been sabotaging my own chance from the start. I’d always known nothing would come to fruition with Jace. It was safe. And then you came along. You just… you made everything so confusing…”

 

“So you’re blaming me now?”

 

Alec shook his head, looking down at his feet, eyes felt hot and he hoped he wouldn’t start crying.

 

“No. On the contrary. Before you, I never thought that I could have this. You made me realize that it’s not wrong to be happy.” When he finally looked up again, Magnus had dropped his hand to the side and taken a step forward closer towards him. Alec took that as a positive sign, Magnus looking more open than he did just mere minutes ago. Alec himself took a step forward, further closing the distance between them, his hands now lay limp by his sides. “I know we’re not okay… not yet. But I’m willing to make this work if only you let me. Please let me make it up to you. I never meant to hurt you in any way. I’m so, sorry.”

 

“You’re not the only who feels vulnerable, Alexander,” Magnus finally said after a beat of silence. Another step forward and now, Alec could directly stare into Magnus’ eyes. “I’ve never felt this way towards anyone before. You’ve unlocked something in me.”

 

Gingerly, Alec reached one hand forward to touch the side of Magnus’ face and when he didn’t receive any resistance, he used his other hand to rest on the other man’s waist. He brought his face closer to Magnus, resting their foreheads together. “You once told me. Love doesn’t necessarily mean that we’ll get what we want. But I want this, Magnus. I want you,” he whispered, afraid to break this fragile bubble wrapped around them.

 

Magnus’ hand reached up to cup behind Alec’s neck and a small smile tugged at the edge of his mouth. “I want you too,” he said, voice just as quiet. They stood like that, staring into each other’s eyes, face so close together they might as well just breathe in each other’s air. When their lips finally met, it felt like the stars finally aligned, everything fell back into its rightful place.

 

Alec was well aware that they still had a lot of issues to talk about, things to clear up. But right now, with Magnus’ lips moving against his, he just couldn’t bring himself to think about those things. It had been so long, the longest week in his life and finally being able to hold Magnus in his arms again, Alec didn’t want to lose that.

 

He snaked his arm around Magnus’ waist, the hand cupping Magnus’ chin trailed up to bury his fingers between Magnus’ dark hair as Alec pulled him closer so their bodies were pressed flushed together. He sighed against Magnus’ lips, heart expanded inside his ribcage and he felt like it would explode with how much he was feeling.

 

But at this moment, he thought, they would be okay. They were going to make this work.

 

-The End-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this it the end.
> 
> I would like to thank you for all the comments, kudos and bookmarks you left on this story. This has been a ride. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> xxLina


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